Today was the first time I opened the bible in a long, long time. In the past few months I’ve felt that my faith was slowly eroding. Things have been happening in my life that have caused me to slowly lose faith. My belief in God was being replaced by cynicism. I believe there is a God but was he really looking after me? Out of the billions of people in the world, how could he have time for me?
From temporarily missing my treatments, to finding out that someone very important to me is gravely ill, problems with work and just other personal problems, this year was certainly filled with challenges.
I was feeling lost. My life was losing direction and meaning. I was searching or rather still searching for answers.
For some unexplainable reason, today was the day that I decided to open the bible. Perhaps out of guilt. I failed to get up in time to go to the regular mass I go to. The other mass schedules after that are just too difficult to go to for me. Maybe it was because of this that I just decided to open the bible and pray. I really don’t know.
I prayed to God and asked him to speak through whatever passage I open to. I opened the bible to Jeremiah 3, 14. The first sentence was the one that caught me. “Unfaithful people, come back, you belong to me” those few words spoke to me. In a way I felt God calling to me and saying “son, do not lose faith. Come back and I assure you that I will take care of you. Just as I have in the past.”.
I still feel my faith swaying but today I feel that I really need to go back to the giver of my strength, the one God that makes all things possible. I need to have faith in him and trust that he has a great plan in store for me.
In retrospect this is not to say that 2008 was entirely bad, in fact it had it’s great moments. I met a lot of great people this year. Several people from Genzyme, Masako, Dick, Bombit and the Philippine staff. Carmina who so unselfishly has given of her time to support my cause, the PSOD. Kris, my friend’s sister who shares the same love as I do for DLSU basketball and is now one of my favorite chatmates, countless people from Singles for Christ who has made being in community a great experience.
Apart from that somehow, someway I’ve managed to get through this year intact.
In the coming year, I need to regain my faith. I need to once again see the good side of life instead of dwelling on the bad. I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again.
_Special thanks goes to Nes and my SFC group for giving out the bible kits and for always reminding me to pray. It just took me awhile._