I had a visit from Nestle, one of my closest friends yesterday. He was in the area and dropped by the house. His visit was for a totally different reason. He wanted to look at something I had bought the previous day. We ended up talking about that thing for roughly 10 minutes.
His visit ended up having a different purpose. Something neither of us had any idea that it would end up to be the topic of our conversation.
I’ve always been a very positive and upbeat person. Lately though it’s been tough. I’ve been sad for quite sometime. It took a constant effort for me to be happy everyday. Some days I’d be successful and some days I’d be sad.
I’ve been thinking a lot. I’m turning 35 this year. I am truly grateful that I’ve lived this long. However a part of me is deeply saddened by the fact that I’m 35 and have little to show for it.
I’m not married, I don’t own my own house, I don’t have kids, I haven’t seen the world or stuff like that. Comparing myself to my friends and peers, most of them are married, have young children, a house, a good job, basically the makings of a good life. Those are the things I’ve dreamed for myself since I was a young adult.
Now don’t get me wrong, I realize that I am so blessed. That’s a big part why I’m not in a constant state of depression. I have a good home. I live with my parents. I have a job that gives me decent income for the standards here in the Philippines. I have a great family and good friends.
At the same time you can’t take away from me the yearning and desire for something more in life. You fault me for wanting the same things any other 35 year old would want.
I realize that my life has taken me on a different path, a hard path but amazing nonetheless. I’ve done some things that other people haven’t. Still, it pains me that the things I really want might not happen.
This brings me to my conversation with Nestle. I told him that I was feeling really sad and told him the reasons why. He listened to me and after shared his thoughts.
He said that he had an amazing past several years. In the span of 4 or 5 years, he found the girl of his dreams, got married, bought a house and just recently became a proud father to a baby boy named Mateo. It was a dream come true. He said that prior to that he didn’t even think he would have all of these in such a short time. He told me he didn’t even think he’d have a house. The most he was thinking of before was probably a small condo or apartment. Yet at the time he needed to build a house, things just fell into place.
All these amazing things came after he devoted much time to 3 things. Devoting time to daily prayer, being of service to others and trying not to live in sin, all very hard things to do. He did it though.
After a year from starting this, all his blessings came. All of which was what he asked for and more.
Nestle told me not to under estimate the power of prayer. I’ve always had faith in God but my prayer time is mediocre at best. I’m a good person or so I think. I try to help people when I can but sometimes still fail because I think of myself before others. I’m also not a saint. I do have my share of shortcomings.
He encouraged me to renew my prayer time. He showed me some web sites he visits that have the Gospel, daily devotional and other supplementary reading.
I told him I’d start today. I’m sure it will be hard but I will try. I’m doing this because I know that I’ve been lax with my prayers but also because I’m grasping for straws and trying to hang on to the faith I have. I believe in God and I know he loves me but when a person is sad sometimes it’s hard to see things clearly.
I don’t expect miracles to happen. I only expect to grow my faith and accept whatever happens as such. As the saying goes “Thy will be done”. I am hoping for miracles though. There’s a difference between hoping and expecting.
So I started my prayer time today. Lo’ and behold the first part of the daily devotional reading today from Streams in the Desert goes…
bq. In Everything
bq. “In nothing be anxious” (Phil. 4:6).
bq. No anxiety ought to be found in a believer. Great, many and varied may be our trials, our afflictions, our difficulties, and yet there should be no anxiety under any circumstances, because we have a Father in Heaven who is almighty, who loves His children as He loves His only-begotten Son, and whose very joy and delight it is to succor and help them at all times and under all circumstances. We should attend to the Word, “In nothing be anxious, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”
bq. “In everything,” that is not merely when the house is on fire, not merely when the beloved wife and children are on the brink of the grave, but in the smallest matters of life, bring everything before God, the little things, the very little things, what the world calls trifling things — everything — living in holy communion with our Heavenly Father, arid with our precious Lord Jesus all day long. And when we awake at night, by a kind of spiritual instinct again turning to Him, and speaking to Him, bringing our various little matters before Him in the sleepless night, the difficulties in connection with the family, our trade, our profession. Whatever tries us in any way, speak to the Lord about it.
Wow. In my first prayer session, God spoke to me clearly. I shouldn’t be anxious. Have faith in him and he will not let me down. Amazing.
I know that I really need to just keep the faith. Pray and trust God that all will fall into place. It may not be all the things that I want but it will be all the things he wants for me. I just need to surrender and accept his will.
These are the things I’m praying for. I’m not sure all will come true but there is always hope. If you happen to find the time to say a prayer for me I hope that you could pray for these things.
Lord, grant me better health so that I may reach a ripe old age with much wisdom and experience
Lord allow me to do something that I can be passionate about but support me as well
Lord grant that you give me enough resources so I can live a decent life and have enough not just for myself but also to help others
Lord grant that you send someone into my life who I can share my hopes and dreams with, grow old with and hopefully have a family with.
Lord grant me the chance to do something great with my life and hopefully make a difference in this world
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I will try to post my journal regularly. So I can share what I’ve learned but also so you can tell me what you think. Hopefully we can encourage each other on as we go through life. I hope that as I start this journey again of prayer and faith I see it through.
_I dedicate this entry to Nestle, a good friend whom I owe a lot. He constantly reminds me of what a true man should be._