Religion is a tricky thing. It’s probably one of the most divisive topics known to man. Wars have been fought because of religion. Contrary to what it’s supposed to be. At the core of most religions is love. Yet this is not the end result sometimes.
Let me be clear, I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ, his son. I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe in Mother Mary. I think by those beliefs I fall under the Catholic religion. I was born into this religion. Raised a Catholic. My entire immediate family is Catholic.
However, lately I’ve been having problems with the Catholic Church. I don’t agree with some of their ideas.
At the core of my belief is this
“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” [Matt22:37-40]
I compare everything against this two. If the church tells me one thing, before I blindly follow, I compare it to the above commandments. If it passes both then I can accept it as such. If it doesn’t then I really have to think about it more or discard it altogether.
I read the post of Cecile from her Chuvaness blog. She outlines her reasons on why she stopped going to mass/church. I respect her thoughts. I agree with some, others no but at the end of the day it’s her personal decision and her relationship with God. I will respect it.
I have to admit I haven’t been able to go to church a lot this past year. It’s not because I totally don’t want to. It’s for several reasons actually. A part of it is because I really have difficulty going out sometimes. Given also it’s a Sunday, it’s harder for me to go out, no one to drive for me. So it’s either I catch the mass that’s held nearby so I can “walk” but the problem is that it’s only one mass and it’s at 11 a.m. The thing is, because of my work, my time is reversed. I follow US time and so I’m up at night and asleep most of the daytime. But this is not the main reason and I digress.
One of the main reasons is that I simply am not connecting to the Church as much as I should. Part of it is because of differing beliefs with some matters, part of it is because I’m at a stage wherein I’m having great internal conflict.
At the surface everything is fine but I’m having a crisis of sorts within myself. It’s hard to explain here but my faith in religion is wavering. Take note, I said faith in RELGION. Not faith in God. Religion in my opinion is man made. Sure one can argue that in the case of the Catholic Church it came from God and was built from the foundation that Jesus gave St. Peter. Right now man governs it. Some will say that the leaders of the Church were anointed by God and they are a representation of him here on Earth. But right now I’m having a hard time believing it is so.
When I see how some priests are acting, it doesn’t make me believe that God sent them.
I believe that God loves all men. Religion should not discriminate against sex, race, age, disability, etc. So if you’re gay, a bastard, someone who is a single parent, etc, the church should not ban you from practicing your faith. Sure the Church has beliefs, etc but it should not discriminate. It should not judge.
Faith is very personal to me. If someone is gay, I will not judge him for that. Even if the Church says God is not for it, I will leave it to God and that person. I do not want or do I want to be judged. Live and let live, so to speak.
There’s this video going around, entitled Why I hate religion, but love Jesus. It’s been going around Facebook and Cecile also posted it in the same entry. It makes a lot of sense.
When a religion punishes someone through no fault of his own, then I find it hard to believe in that religion. An example of this would be a child going to a Catholic school and being told that his/her parents are sinners because they’re not married by the Catholic Church, then that’s just wrong. It scars the child, it’s judging other people.
My God is a loving God. I believe it to be so because he sent his only son to die for our sins. Sacrificing his son in order to save all of us. All those who believe. He didn’t say, save only those who believe but are straight or only those who believe but have no sins. God wanted to save all those who believed.
I would rather live my life based on the two most important commandments of God. Rather than go to church for an hour each week and forget the commandments once I step out. Ideally it should be both.
I want to go back to Church regularly but I need to find my faith again in it first. I need to know that when I go there I agree wholeheartedly on what it stands for.
It’s been 4 years since the proverbial end of the line. When I was first diagnosed, doctors told me I probably would not see my 30th birthday. I just turned 34 today. It’s been 4 years worth of extras so to speak.
My parents, brother and his wife threw me a birthday party. It was different though this year. It turned out to be a children’s party. Most of my friends now have children of their own. I could not have a party and not expect them to bring their kids. So instead of having a grown-up party we decide to just have one that the kids will enjoy too. Turns out, I enjoyed it more.
It was nice to see the kids of my friends. Some of them are my God children. In our country, it’s customary to have several God parents per child. So no, the children are not in danger of getting stuck with me if something happens to their parents.
Time has certainly flown by. Even if I don’t have a family of my own, my friends and their children have become a second family to me.
I did not receive anything grand this birthday. No outrageous present. When I was a kid that was the one thing I looked forward to, a wonderful toy from either my parents or my grand parents. Yet in all my years of celebrating birthdays, this year was a joy unlike no other.
I realized that despite my challenges, my everyday trials, the reality of being in my situation, I am quite lucky. I have a wonderful family that supports me and is always there for me. I have friends who care enough to spend their Sunday with me. I am quite blessed.
I thank God for blessing me with all that I have. I thank him for my parents, Vic and Cyn, who never gave up on me, even when people will understand if they did. I thank him for my brother and my new sister-in-law who also showed me so much love. I thank God for my friends, some of which are like brothers and sisters to me. I thank God for giving my friends children, who I know bring them joy but it also brings me great joy to see them with my friends. I thank God for all the things he has blessed me, material or otherwise. I thank God for the other people who make my life possible, my aides, helpers, drivers, etc. In 34 years God has never failed to bless my life.
Thank you for a wonderful 34 years. Thank you for all the people who have walked into my life. I am blessed because I have them in my life. My only wish is that God gives me more years to come so I can spend it with the people I love.
Very few things make me really sad. One of those is things is the fact that my parents have to deal with certain things related to me.
Case in point. My mom and I were talking the other night. She was telling me about the mini-reunion she had with former college classmates. One topic of their conversation was their children who aren’t married yet. Of course this topic is common to all parents who have adult children who are still single.
Their conversation found its way to the moms asking each other if they could pair up their children. So my mom narrated that one by one each parent who had a child that was still single spoke up and said that she’d like to volunteer her son/daughter.
Naturally, my mom told them that she still had a son who was single. That was none other than I. My brother had recently gotten married this year. I definitely know how proud my mom is of me. If there was one person who believes in me it’s her.
I feel bad though. I guess it’s one of my biggest insecurities. I always think that no sane mom would like her daughter to marry someone like me. That’s just a fact of life that I have to deal with. But I know that not all people are like that.
I had a girlfriend before when I was in my early twenties. I remember the day I told my dad that I had a new girlfriend. He sat down with me and told me “you know that she has parents and that they most likely will object, I just want you to be prepared for that”.
True enough, at first when my girlfriend back then told her mom that she was dating me her mother objected. She told her mom that she should get to know me first, if by that time she still thinks I should be with her daughter then they could talk about it then.
In time her mom warmed up to me. To her family’s credit, they all treated me with respect and I never felt that I was not welcome in their home. They were very civil and in fact I am still good friends with her siblings. I still talk to her mom from time to time until now.
It’s not easy to have a son like me. I’m pretty sure my parents would want me to have everything that their other son has. I’m sure that they would eventually want to see me get married and be accepted into another family. I feel bad thinking I might not be able to give that to them.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t look at my situation and pity myself. In fact I use it as motivation to do better, to make something of myself so that what I lack in physical abilities I can make up for in other ways. Hopefully that will be enough to counter act my shortcomings and make other people see that I am good enough for their daughter too.
I don’t know if it will come true. I’m not sure I’ll find someone who will fight hard enough for me and make her family see me the way she does. My ex-girlfriend did that once. Too bad it didn’t work out. But I will be forever grateful to her and her family for treating me well.
For now, I just hope that what I lack in that department I make up for in other things so that I can make my parents proud. I may not be a son that they can “push” to their friends as an option for their unmarried children but hopefully I can make up for it in other ways.
There are times in life where you reflect on mortality. Be it your own or in general. The past two weeks was one of those times for me.
Such is the circle of life that birth and death is constant, we all are born, we will all die. That’s a sure thing.
In the span of two weeks, I know two people who passed away (another one I have not met personally but I know the son). I also know two friends who gave birth to two new babies.
Ella is a friend that I’ve known for years. We were not that close but her husband was one of my first friends at Singles For Christ. Ella’s sister-in-law is also one of my dearest friends.
Ella was taken too soon from this world. She battled a brain tumor for the past 10 or so years eventually losing to it a couple of weeks ago. She was a loving wife to Carlo and a doting mother to Carlitos and Vino. She was 37 years old.
Dr. Hermogenes Tantoco or “Tito Mon” as I know him died last Friday night. He had been battling lung cancer for a year or so. He had known about it for that time but never told anyone until it became severe. From the stories I’ve heard, he had wished to spare his family the grief and burden of trying to treat it. He said that he was ready to die and that he had lived a full life.
Tito Mon from what I’ve heard and how I know him was a very fine example of a husband, father and grandfather. He had a life that probably many of us would be envious to have. He was a doctor, businessman but more than that a good husband, father and grandfather. He had a sense of dignity about him that gives the impression that he was not just an important person but also a fine gentleman.
Friends and their respective families will surely miss both Ella and Tito Mon.
Life goes in circles and as two lives go back to their creator, two new lives are also born.
My very good friend Cris, gave birth to Dominque Marie or Nikki. She is the second child of Cris and her husband Rommel.
I also found out that Angela, the sister of a good friend of mine also gave birth early this morning. The tragic thing about it was that it is a bittersweet time for their family. The birth of a baby came at the time where they also lost the father of Angela’s husband.
With each new baby, the circle of life begins anew. I wish these two new babies that were born to friends of mine, a life that is lived as well as the two people I know who passed away sans the disease they suffered.
I wish them both the strength and courage Ella, possessed. She faced her condition head on and lived her life to the fullest despite the challenges. I wish them the life Tito Mon had. He had lived a life that by any measure was well lived. He was married to the love of his life for 50 something years, had great kids, great grandchildren. He left this world with a lot more than what he started with. That’s how most people should live. I’m not talking about wealth but by people we’ve touched, things we’ve done and a difference we made to people around us.
I often think about mortality. Given my condition, it’s a great possibility that I will not live as long as most people should. They said I would not live past 30 and I’m already pushing 34 this year.
I’m honestly scared about death but not because life will end but mostly because I don’t think I’ve live life to the fullest yet. I don’t think I can say I’ve done all that I can and that I’m satisfied with what I’ve done in this world.
I still have things to do, places to see, people to meet but most especially, I still need to do more good in the world before I can honestly say I can leave it with more than what I’ve started with.
I guess at the end of the day, life and death really come hand in hand. Not because it’s natural that life begins and ends but probably because we should all learn to live life to the fullest in order to make death meaningful.
I’ve always believed that children should always be happy and carefree. In a perfect world no child should be sick. However, we don’t live in a perfect world and it’s sad to see sick children. especially if the condition is so rare and life threatening.
Hannah is a 4 year old girl who suffers from a condition called Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome or CCHS. This excerpt from the CCHS Network explains it best.
CCHS is a multisystem disorder of the central nervous system where, most dramatically, the automatic control of breathing is absent or impaired. A CCHS patient’s respiratory response to low blood oxygen saturation (hypoxia) or to CO2 retention (hypercapnia) is sluggish during awake hours and absent to varying degrees during sleep, serious illness, and/or stress.
Hannah is the daughter of Carlo and Joan Cordoviz. I met Carlo almost 2 years ago through Facebook. He looked me up because I belong to a non-profit organization called the Philippine Society for Orphan Disorders, our non-profit aims to help people, especially children with rare diseases.
Carlo and I hit it off and we became friends. We had a common bond. A rare disease has touched both our lives. He had a daughter with a rare disease and I was suffering from one. We could understand what each one was going through.
As time went by our friendship became stronger and I got to know more about Hannah. Carlo would update me about her condition and I would also look at her pictures on Facebook.
About a week ago, I found out that Hannah was celebrating her 4th birthday. I asked Carlo’s wife Joan what their plans were. She said that they didn’t have any plans. Due to the enormous strain that Hannah’s condition puts on their finances they didn’t even have any extra left for a small birthday party or even a special gift for Hannah.
I felt really bad when I found out. I felt bad for several reasons. One like I said, children should always be happy. I don’t like it when I see children sad. Two, people like Carlo and Joan who work hard, love their child and try to be the best parents they can be don’t deserve this much hardship. I believe that people who work hard should be rewarded and deserve to have blessings thrown their way.
What I felt was not a sense of pity. I just felt that it was an injustice that good people can’t be happy on a special day in their lives.
It was barely six days away and it was not a lot of time. I didn’t have a lot of resources on my hands but I said to myself, I wasn’t going to let Hannah’s birthday pass by without doing something for her, for their family. It was unacceptable to do so. I also found out from Joan that Hannah liked learning stuff. She also was fond of her speech therapist’s iPod Touch.
I said to myself, Hannah deserves an iPad or at the very least an iPod Touch. I’m an Apple person. I love their technologies and from experience I know that the iPad and iPod Touch are both great learning tools that can be loaded with apps to help a 4 year old child who can’t speak because of her trache, communicate and also learn more with this tool.
It’s settled! Hannah will get an iPad or iPod Touch for her birthday. Oh wait! Damn! I have some expenses I needed to pay off. But I didn’t want that to curtail her gift.
In the middle of the night while browsing through FaceBook, I chanced upon my friend Charles who also happens to be my Apple supplier and is the owner of one of the country’s premier Authorized Apple stores. I asked Charles if he had any iPad’s in stock. He said he wasn’t sure as they really were hard to come by. The only model that would fit in my budget was a 16GB one.
Charles asked me why I needed an iPad. I told her about Hannah and her family’s story. He was so touched and moved by it that he thought for a minute and said. Look, I think I have a display unit of the iPad 1 left. They changed displays at the store because of the new models and they usually sell those display units off.
He told me that it was display unit but it was in very very good condition. Instead of selling it, Charles said, “it’s yours! Give it to Hannah.” I’ll even throw in a free case and screen protector. Have it picked up at the store.
I protested and told Charles that I would be happy to pay. He would have none of it. He simply said that he has been blessed so much and this is just a very small way of giving back. Ok, then. I can’t argue with that. I’ll take it!
Birthday gift, check! But wait! We can’t have a birthday without cake! The next day I promptly put in a call to my cousin Peachy who happens to be one of the country’s top cake designers. I asked her, how much is a birthday cake? She asked me why I needed a birthday cake. My birthday wasn’t for months. I told her about Hannah. She said, “Ok, ok, you got me already. Hannah will get a cake on me.” Not much convincing needed there!
So now we have an iPad and a birthday cake. What else do we need? Oh shoot! I forgot. The iPad is only as strong or useful as the apps on it. Hannah needs some iTunes GCs to load stuff on her iPad.
This time, Twitter comes to the rescue. I sent out a tweet asking where I can get some iTunes GCs. Two friends reply. One of them only wants to be identified as “Tito Pogi”. He asked me why I needed it, I narrate Hannah’s story once again, he says I have an extra iTunes Gift Card here. It’s Hannah’s! I’ll it to you.
Another friend sends me a message. Ms. Chuvaness herself tells me I could get some from DataBlitz in Shangrila. But when she finds out why I needed to buy it, she said, I have an iTunes Gift Card here. Please give it to Hannah.
Hooray! I know have an iPad, iTunes GCs and a cake to bring to Hannah! I was so excited for it to be Sunday.
While I was putting this all together, I was also speaking to a friend who also knows and in fact very close to Carlo and Joan. Pam is also a mother to a special needs child with a rare disease. Pam and Joan had become close friends as well. I told Pam that we should go and visit the Cordoviz family and spend Hannah’s birthday with them. She agreed immediately and made arrangements on her end.
Having a special needs child is never easy. So I know it’s also a sacrifice for Pam to go to the Cordoviz’s house, especially on a Sunday. She made the sacrfice and even brought her daughter Julia, who suffers from Retts Syndrome and Janna, Julia’s younger sister.
Sunday came and I made the trip to Las Piñas. Before going to Hannah’s house though, I went to Shortcrust, Peachy’s shop to pick up a cake. It was such a beautiful cake with fondant frosting and sugar lollipops on top. There was also fondant lettering that spelled out Hannah’s name. It was a marvelous cake from one of Manila’s premier cake designers. It wasn’t just any ordinary cake.
I also passed by KFC to pick up food to bring. KFC is one of my comfort food and it’s not a party without KFC.
I arrived slight past 4 pm in the afternoon. Pam was already there. She brought some gifts and food too. Julia was watching TV and Janna was already upstairs playing with Hannah.
Carlo met us at the driveway. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Carlo and his face showed the signs of weariness from a combination of working nights and still being up in the mornings to help care for his daughter. Despite that he had a smile on his face, happy to see a friend who he has not seen for a long time.
I could sense that seeing friends was definitely a treat for them. They don’t often get a chance to go out and socialize with people because of the round the clock care that Hannah needs. So every chance to see friends is a welcome one.
It was also the first time that I would be meeting Hannah and Joan in person. The time’s I’ve seen Carlo, it was always he who would drop by our house. Up till then, I have not had the chance to make a trip to their house. Mainly because it’s not really easy for me to travel plus a lot of things got in the way.
I was so excited to meet Joan and Hannah! When I got inside the house, Carlo told me that Hannah was still upstairs. She mostly stays in her room, where it’s clean and sterile. They try to keep Hannah away from germs because any little infection can lead to something serious for Hannah.
Hannah came down after awhile. I was so happy to finally meet her in person and even if she could not utter a word, she had her own sign language to communicate with people.
We presented Hannah with the gifts and birthday cake. Although she could not blow her birthday candle, it did not take away from the joy that she felt.
Hannah’s dada and mama, helped her open her gifts. The whole family was shocked when they opened the package and saw that it was an iPad! Extremely grateful for the blessing that came their way.
Carlo would narrate later on that he really wanted to give Hannah a used iPod Touch since he could not afford a new one. However Hannah’s birthday came and he still did not have the money to get one. So it was definitely a blessing to get an iPad.
Gifts were opened, food was eaten, stories were shared. In that small living room of a very hardworking and loving family, I was reminded once again that making people happy is a surefire way to make you happy as well. I wasn’t sure who was happier, Hannah and family or I.
I’ve been fortunate enough in life that even though I’ve had to battle a rare disease such as Pompe Disease, I’ve been blessed to have been born into a family with moderate resources. I grew up never lacking in love and happiness. I was able to celebrate birthdays when I was a kid, open lots of presents and share precious moments with my family.
Some people are not as lucky. Not for lack of trying but simply because life throws them challenges that would make most people crumble. Yet, there are people like Carlo, Joan and Hannah, who despite the hardships they face, forge on.
I admire Carlo for being the man that he is. He never abandoned his family despite the enormous challenge they are facing. Joan is equally admirable for being the loving and caring mother to Hannah and a wonderful partner to Carlo. Their family is a great example of how parents should care for their kids.
From the brief time I met Hannah that day, I could see that she’s a wonderful kid, happy, smart, active and sweet. She has been battling with a condition for years and yet her demeanor does not show any negativity at all. I guess deep down inside her, she knows that the people around her love her immensely.
As night came and it was time to go home. I left with a so much joy in my heart that at least on this day, I together with my friends, made a little girl and her family happy. That’s one of the greatest feelings on earth.
I didn’t write this to tell the world of what we did. I wrote this to share with you a story of a 4 year old girl and her family. They’re going through so much yet strive hard to persevere. They deserve to be happy. They deserve to have people do good things for them. They deserve to be blessed. I am writing this in hopes that I inspire people to find deserving people in their lives and do some good for them.
Special thanks go out to Charles Paw of Digitalhub, Peachy Juban of ShortCrust Cake Shop, Cecile Van Straten of the famous chuvaness.com blog , Tito Pogi, (who refuses to be named but you know who you are), Pam, Julia and Janna. Thank you for making Hannah’s birthday possible.
If you want to make Hannah happy, drop me a message and I’ll get you in touch with them. You can also visit Hannah’s multiply site.
“Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But honestly won’t someone stop this train”
That’s a verse of John Mayer’s “Stop This Train”, currently my favorite song. I like it not just because it has good melody but I simply love the lyrics of this song. The lyrics capture what I’ve been feeling lately.
The song is about life going by quickly and the fear of getting older, the fear of losing your parents and going through life on your own.
John and I are roughly the same age and so I am able to relate to his songs a lot. I’m at the stage of my life wherein I’m not young but I’m not old as well. However due to my circumstances I feel as if I’m older than I am.
At this point in my life, conventional wisdom says that I should have some success at work, married and starting a family. I have none of those. I have a good job but not the kind of success that I pictured I would have. I don’t have children nor am I married.
In fact if I don’t look in the mirror, I feel and sometimes act like I’m just in my mid twenties. Not a care in the world. I don’t have any major responsibilities save for myself. my life is my own, I do as I please.
Sounds fun doesn’t it? But it honestly made me think about life. My parents are getting older, I’m getting older, time is running out. What have I done with my life?
In a blink of an eye, I suddenly find myself at the mid-point of my life. I try looking back at my life. I’ve had a good childhood. In fact I miss those times. Life was much more simple.
I’m struggling to find meaning. I’m struggling to find direction. Where do I head to, knowing that my life is not like most people. What will I do when my parents are not around? I spend a lot of time with them. Lately it’s just been the three of us. My brother just got married and starting his own family.
Life is just going by so fast. Like what the song says, I want to stop it and go back to the beginning.
However the song also says that a person should be happy where he is at whatever particular point he is in life. Life has different stages, each with its own perks. We’re at the right point in our lives at the right time. It might not seem evident at times but it’s true.
Even if I say that I want to go back to the beginning, I say that only because I don’t want to lose the people around me. I do not however want to go back to being a teenager. I like where I am right now and I think age and time has a way of doing that to us.
We can’t stop this train. We can’t stop time and life from happening. We just need to embrace it as such and try to make the most out of it, even if we have to take different tracks in life.
Life is indeed going by quickly. We just need to keep up.
